Recently, I noticed a church Website was marketing a new preaching series on hot-button issues. Visitors could vote on topics such as drugs, divorce, eating disorders, cussing, etc. Ostensibly, the high-rated items would then be tackled by the pastor in future sermons. Of course, this model is not new. In fact, it follows the same narrative of fundamentalists of the past–although it’s wrapped in much hipper packaging for today’s po-mo audience suspicious of religious “do”s and “don’t”s. Here’s the drill:

Step 1: Observe cultural trend that is being “ignored” by the church.
Step 2: Formulate position on said cultural trend.
Step 3: Assemble unassailable barrage of proof texts and personal testimonies to tackle cultural trend.
Step 4: Market series through those church signs with the individual block letters (if you’re old-timey) or the Wide World Interwebs (if you’re cool).
Step 4: Preach, using above materials to sway the opinion of the listeners.

Believe me–I am as guilty of this as the next guy. When I was a youth pastor, I tried it. See two kids holding hands? It’s time to teach on dating. Smell smoke? Let’s polish up the ol’ tobaccy sermon. Hear kids buzzing about a questionable movie? Turn in your Bibles to Psalm 101:3.

The problem with this method is its inherent arrogance. Preaching becomes about behavior modification, not exposing listeners’ hearts to the scalpel of the text, allowing the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Besides, the alternative is far too boring: preach the scriptures and tackle issues when they come up in scripture. In context.

I once heard Walter Kaiser say that preaching should follow not only the content of scripture, but its contours. If I preach through books, chapters and verses, I will cover what the Holy Spirit wants me to cover, not what my agenda is, based on the perceived needs of my hearers or the culture at large.

It’s not new, but the use of the word “unchurched” is one I find disconcerting. It is frequently used by church planters to denote the heathen, their “market” and “target audience”–in contrast to church hoppers, who are merely disgruntled with their current congregation and shopping for a new one.

Like Burger King’s “Whopper virgins“, these unchurched are the fresh-faced masses who have never had the privilege of hearing a truly relevant “talk” on improving their lives from a gel-haired hipster, while sipping a hot cup of Starbucks. Okay, sorry. I’m going to cut the gratuitous cynicism for a minute.

Our family has some unchurched friends, and to be honest, the last thing I want is for them to become churched. I would love it if they became followers of Christ, but I’m not sure I want them becoming churched before they become regenerated. These days, attending church can be a sure-fire way to become inoculated to the gospel. It’s a great way to convince yourself that you’re okay with God and he’s cool with you, that He may even be pleased with your Sunday morning ritual.

Am I nitpicking, splitting hairs? Perhaps those who use the word unchurched have merely chosen a softer word than “unsaved”. The problem is that becoming “churched” is not the solution, in spite of arguments to the contrary.

The formula goes like this: If we could just get them into the doors of the church, they would see that we’re not that weird, that we don’t use hymnbooks, we don’t have pews, we don’t have a portrait of George W. Bush in the foyer. We don’t even have a foyer. When they see the programs we have for their children and meet other people just like them, they’ll decide to stick around. Then we may drop the gospel bomb. But by then it will be too late. Their relational connection to the church will be so strong that they will not be likely to leave without extreme discomfort.

Then, my friends, they will be churched.